The world’s largest cacophonic democracy will soon go into the history books for having allotted roughly 175 seats in its Parliament to women, thus ringing in by the passing of this bill profound changes in the manner the affairs of the country will be conducted. For sure, the attendance of the male members will go up if not for participation but for the sheer primordial pleasure of ogling at the new members dressed in their finest.
Representative of people or not, give a woman a platform and she will turn her wardrobe upside down and compete with those of her ilk and come sashaying in her best. Whatever may be the case, the Onionuttapam news team traveled all across the country to get the views of both women and men, about the impact the passing of this bill would have on their humdrum lives.
From Patiala, Punjab, Sukhwinder Kaur, a candidate for the newly formed Akali Mardaaniyan Dal asked us, “Arrey, ye toh vadiya haiga lekin ek doubt hai. Kya ghar ka belan parliament ke andar le paaungi kya?”
From Rohtak, Haryana, NatwarLal, wept in anguish, “Ab toh hamare khaap Panchayt band ho jaayenge. Ye auratoun ka jaal hai. Vidhwa mahilaaounko ghar se bahar nahi aana tha. Agar aayi toh dekho kya hua. Sab satyanaash”
From Lukhnow, UttarPradesh, Bansukhmukhiya rejoiced, “Mayawati ab aur haathiyoun ke statue banayegi aur hamei kaam milega, har mod pe ham ek haathi ka statue sthapit karengee”
From Kolkota, West Bengal, Arnab Sengupta cried like a child, “ Ash it ish thet Mamata ish beginning to shriek and rant, now oal the wemen will never listen to ush malesh”
From Patna, Bihar, Malini Singhania, “It is great victory for feminism. They should make this 33% mandatory in all organization public and private. We would like to keep watch on our men at their work place too while watching which of our sisters are straying.”
From the interiors of Orissa, a tribal woman, spoke under condition of anonymity, “What 33%? Here the Green Hunt soldiers have raped me 33 times. I will believe they are my sisters if they come here and also get raped like us women”
From Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, Renuka Rao, “Now the Telengana problem will be solved in the bedrooms which is what all men want, no?”
From Chennai, Tamilnadu, Muthulakshmi, “Ayyo! Now the real power of us women has been legitimized and now like the males here we also can have more than one husband.”
From Kochi, Kerala, OmanaKutty, “Endey Guruvayurappa! What fun the live relay of the Question Hour is going to be. Women’s logic will shut all those long-winded bores up because they will not be able to reply to our illogical questions”
From Mysore, Karnataka, Sharmila Swamy, “It’s about time we showed men their place. They are supposed to go out and work at the granite mines and bring home the moolah. We women will decide how best to spend the money. Are not homes run on a shoe-string budget? When one of my sisters replaces that Pranab, you see the budget then, there will be no deficits.”
From Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, Urmila Devi, “It’s a disgrace. We constitute 50% of India's population. They should have given 50% reservation for us women.”
From Pune, Maharashtra, Sonali Deshmukh, “It’s just the beginning. Soon we will send all the men where they belong, to work as a drone in the dungeons of industry.”
From Ahmedabad, Gujarat, AMahendra Patel, “This is truly De-evolutionary: returning man to beast devil's creed and a threat to our species!”
From JNU, Prof. Surendra Malhotra, “This is a conspiracy of the feminists who are proletarian in their approach. This sort of feminism foists upon the next generation a mythical gender association that emanates from nowhere other than the whorehouse of dark ages. Evolution disrupted, matriarch society brings the ascent of an emotionally degenerate humanity. In our 21st century egalitarian era, females are simply more equal. Children no longer know their dads as loving parents. Contrary to all evidence he is portrayed as a liability to children. On completing his reproductive function, society strips man of his assets and condemns him to slave for the family. The time is ripe for male defiance, zero tolerance and non-compliance!”
From Kashmir, Syedina Mirza, “We want autonomy for Kashmir. It does not make any difference to us how many Indian women get seats in India-ruled Parliament.”
From Uttaranchal, Pooja Trivedi, “We certainly need reservation because neighbouring states have a very low sex ratio due to abortions of girl-foetuses.”
Whilst the reactions that are pouring in are going along predictable lines, we at Onionuttapam believe that liberation from traditional mores comes with a greater responsibility that women are not capable to handle. In this century, as our Gujarati friend observed men will be reduced to nothing. Oh Tempora Oh Mores!
