Why do we love beautiful faces? Why are we instinctively drawn towards attractive people? Why do we fall in love? Why do we fall out of love? Why do we find babies cute and adorable and treat them as special, protecting them and enabling them to survive? Why do we need 8 hours of sleep a day? Why do we desire to climb tall mountains at the risk of loosing our limbs and life? Why are we the only animal species that laughs a lot and enjoys sex? Why do react emotionally in certain situations, but act coldly in some other situations?
Continuing scientific research reveals that everything we do, all our likings and dislikings, all our wantings and desirings, all of everything that makes what we are, stems from the composition of the cortexes of our brains.
Now it can be told - 'Its all in the brain'
Our human brain is at the root of a gigantic conspiracy contrived to direct every aspect of our lives into standard, compartmentalized formats to generate an ordered state of human life, enabling us to relate to other people and to make sense of our lives. If not for our brains, we would have been a chaotic mess with each of us shooting off in separate directions unable to find any similarity with our fellow humans, unable to coordinate with each other at any level, doomed to exist in a state of constant conflict, chaos and confusion.
But thanks to our brain, we all behave in more or less similar fashion, enjoy more or less similar things, get attracted to more or less similar type of humans. Scientific research continues to discover different sections of our brain responsible for our specific likes and dislikes. Now new research has discovered the solution to one enduring mystery that the scientific community was unable to crack despite years of research - Why do we like cute babies? No, not because because they are actually cute. On the contrary, babies are nothing more than little lumps of noisy flesh that leak a lot of shit and slobber frequently and abundantly. But, as the latest research proves, its our brain that tricks us into thinking they are cute in order to prod us into producing more babies to keep the cycle of creation going on forever.
This research was led by Morten Kringelbach and Alan Stein from the University of Oxford and was funded by the Wellcome Trust and TrygFonden Charitable Foundation. The authors showed that a region of the human brain called the medial orbitofrontal cortex is highly specifically active within a seventh of a second in response to (unfamiliar) infant faces but not to adult faces.
The research team used a neuroimaging method called magnetoencephalography (MEG) at Aston University, UK. This is an advanced neuroscientific tool which offers both excellent temporal (in milliseconds) and spatial (in millimetres) resolution of whole brain activity. Because the researchers were primarily interested in the highly automatized processing of faces, they used an implicit task that required participants to monitor the colour of a small red cross and to press a button as soon as the colour changed. This was interspersed by adult and infant faces that were shown for 300 ms, but which were not important to solve the task.
The authors found a key difference in the early brain activity of normal adults when they viewed infant faces compared to adult faces. In addition to the well documented brain activity in the visual areas of the brain in response to faces, early activity was found in the medial orbitofrontal cortex to infant faces but not adult faces. This wave of activity starts around a seventh of a second after presentation of an infant face. These responses are almost certainly too fast to be consciously controlled and are therefore perhaps instinctive.
The medial orbitofrontal cortex is located in the front of the brain, just over the eyeballs. It is a key region of the emotional brain and appears to be related to the ongoing monitoring of salient reward-related stimuli in the environment. In the context of the experiment, the medial orbitofrontal cortex may provide the necessary emotional tagging of infant faces that predisposes us to treat infant faces as special and plays a key role in establishing a parental bond.
Without the presence of medial orbitofrontal cortex, we wouldn't have been predisposed to like babies. Quite possibly we would have hated babies for their overall weirdness vis-a-vis grown-up adults. We would have noticed that they are unproductive creatures who cry a lot, shit a lot, spit a lot, demand too much attention and are generally a great nuisance, requiring high maintenance but providing little value in exchange. Noticing all that, we would have refrained from producing babies endangering the continuance of human life on earth.
Now it can be a told - We are all here, living the way we are living, doing the things we are doing, because of a gigantic brain conspiracy.
Next few items on scientists research list - Who's the master-brain behind the brain conspiracy? How was the master-brain created? Is there another conspiracy behind the creation of the master-brain? These questions are expected to keep the scientists engaged for next few thousand years.
Feb 28, 2008
Small Investors should remain calm and not panic, brokers advise
Mumbai - Broker Ashwini Gujral advised small investors to keep their calm, even as Sensex plunged by another 400 points today.
"Small investors need not panic every time there is a sharp fall in the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like us who are trained to handle sharp downturns and who panic only when the situation calls for panic" said Mr. Gujral
"Stock market crashes come in varying sizes and proportions. Every crash in market doesn't necessitate a full-blown panic. Individual & small investors are not able to differentiate between the calamitous qualities of different crashes and unfortunately panic at the wrong time creating an actual panic-like situation which forces us to panic even in conditions which do not actually warrant a panic.
"My advice, therefore. to the retail investors - Please leave the panicking to the experts. Please let the professionals decide when we need a panic. We have access to technical charts which allow us to decide when the market condition is appropriate for panicking."
When asked what retail investors should do in the face of sustained sell-off being witnessed, Gujral said "Do nothing. Do not keep looking constantly at stock tickers. Avoid monitoring your portfolio. There is a life beyond stocks. Take a break. Go out and live that life. Take a vacation. Take your kids out for movies. There are a million activities you can do. Do whatever suits you, except for panicking. Leave that to us. Thats our job, we know when to panic and when the situation is ripe for panicking I assure you we will let you know.
Meanwhile, Shailesh Kotak of Kotak Securities advised investors to remain calm and hold on to their long-term stocks. "Long-term investors should not monitor their portfolio on a day-to-day basis. If you have good stocks in your portfolio, stay invested for now. Now is not the appropriate time to panic. Technical charts indicate that a small rally is on the cards which can take the Nifty up by 150 points. Investors should use this rally to get out of their short-term trades, but keep the long-term stocks intact in their portfolio till the appropriate panic time which the charts indicate should come this Friday. Investors would have plenty of time to panic on the coming 'Black Friday' when technicals indicate a massive sell-off which could wipe 30-35% of market cap. I would therefore advise investors to stay calm till coming Friday."
Prashant Hegde, equity and commodity analyst at Sharekhan.com joined the chorus of brokers and analysts, advising investors not to panic. "The present downturn in market conditions is just a very 'healthy correction' and doesn't call for panic. There is a possibility of few such 'healthy corrections' which could result in sensex breaking down the 200 DMA barrier within few days. As and when that happens, the situation would turn around gravely and give rise to conditions that would justify a panic. But till then, investors should avoid getting jittery, stay calm and ride out the storm."
"While there is a need to be constantly vigilant in tumultuous market conditions that we are witnessing, we advise buying on dips and looking for growth stories - stocks that are near their 52 week lows stand a very good chance of moving upward until Friday, when like all stocks they too will be severely beaten down" said Ambiresh Mishra of Karvy Securities on CNBC today. "For those who are risk-averse, we particularly like defensive plays, such as FMGC and Textiles, which we think will hold up well prior to collapsing entirely on the coming Black Friday"
"Small investors need not panic every time there is a sharp fall in the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like us who are trained to handle sharp downturns and who panic only when the situation calls for panic" said Mr. Gujral
"Stock market crashes come in varying sizes and proportions. Every crash in market doesn't necessitate a full-blown panic. Individual & small investors are not able to differentiate between the calamitous qualities of different crashes and unfortunately panic at the wrong time creating an actual panic-like situation which forces us to panic even in conditions which do not actually warrant a panic.
"My advice, therefore. to the retail investors - Please leave the panicking to the experts. Please let the professionals decide when we need a panic. We have access to technical charts which allow us to decide when the market condition is appropriate for panicking."
When asked what retail investors should do in the face of sustained sell-off being witnessed, Gujral said "Do nothing. Do not keep looking constantly at stock tickers. Avoid monitoring your portfolio. There is a life beyond stocks. Take a break. Go out and live that life. Take a vacation. Take your kids out for movies. There are a million activities you can do. Do whatever suits you, except for panicking. Leave that to us. Thats our job, we know when to panic and when the situation is ripe for panicking I assure you we will let you know.
Meanwhile, Shailesh Kotak of Kotak Securities advised investors to remain calm and hold on to their long-term stocks. "Long-term investors should not monitor their portfolio on a day-to-day basis. If you have good stocks in your portfolio, stay invested for now. Now is not the appropriate time to panic. Technical charts indicate that a small rally is on the cards which can take the Nifty up by 150 points. Investors should use this rally to get out of their short-term trades, but keep the long-term stocks intact in their portfolio till the appropriate panic time which the charts indicate should come this Friday. Investors would have plenty of time to panic on the coming 'Black Friday' when technicals indicate a massive sell-off which could wipe 30-35% of market cap. I would therefore advise investors to stay calm till coming Friday."
Prashant Hegde, equity and commodity analyst at Sharekhan.com joined the chorus of brokers and analysts, advising investors not to panic. "The present downturn in market conditions is just a very 'healthy correction' and doesn't call for panic. There is a possibility of few such 'healthy corrections' which could result in sensex breaking down the 200 DMA barrier within few days. As and when that happens, the situation would turn around gravely and give rise to conditions that would justify a panic. But till then, investors should avoid getting jittery, stay calm and ride out the storm."
"While there is a need to be constantly vigilant in tumultuous market conditions that we are witnessing, we advise buying on dips and looking for growth stories - stocks that are near their 52 week lows stand a very good chance of moving upward until Friday, when like all stocks they too will be severely beaten down" said Ambiresh Mishra of Karvy Securities on CNBC today. "For those who are risk-averse, we particularly like defensive plays, such as FMGC and Textiles, which we think will hold up well prior to collapsing entirely on the coming Black Friday"
Feb 26, 2008
IPL not my cup of tea, says reader.
While the crores dished out to the bunch of auctioned cricketers have generated plenty of excitement in media, public support for this new format of the game seems to be relatively muted. There appears to be considerably less enthusiasm amongst cricket fans who have not taken to club-cricket as swiftly as fish takes to water. We have received hundreds of mails from the readers of Cracking News expressing varying opinion on the desirability and viability of club-cricket. While some of mails indicate support for format, most of responses from our readers show a visible lack of interest, bordering on cynicism and apathy.
One of our loyal readers, Mr.Purav Shah, wrote a long mail, expressing deep regret at his inability to enjoy the IPL tamasha.
"I'm sorry to say, but despite persistent efforts, I'm unable to find IPL matches interesting enough to devote 3-4 hours for 44 continuous days. I'm a huge cricket fan and have spent countless hours following the fortunes of our cricket team. When IPL was launched with so much fun-fare, I was considerably excited and was looking forward to fun-filled nights of 20-20 cricket matches. But as the tournament progresses, I find myself unable to stay interested in the proceedings. As soon as I reach home from a hard day at work, I grab my remote, my favorite sofa spot, turn on the TV and wait for the matches to start. But within few overs, my interest starts to wane, I lose my concentration, my eyes lose focus on the screen, my fingers start getting fidgety and I end up channel-surfing after every few deliveries, instead of changing channels at the end of the over as was the case when I used to watch regular one-day Internationals."
"Whats wrong with me?"
"I honestly don't know. All my friends and office colleagues have faced no problems in becoming accustomed to this wonderful new format of the game. So why I'm I unable to generate sufficient interest? After all, all the needed ingredients are there. Seventy-eight of world's best players slogging it out every night for my benefit with crores of rupees riding over them. Plus the like of Shahrukh Khan, Pretty Zinta & Vijay Mallya backing them. The 20-20 format is a proven success. Lots & Lots of Fours & Sixes. Media hype. All the biggest corporations of India are doling out billions to generate the needed hype. So much of moolah, so much of glamor - So where is it going wrong? Where am I going wrong?"
"My biggest problem is the most elementary one - my inability to choose the team I wish to support. How do I select the team worthy enough to devote all of my passion for the game? When it comes to test and one-day cricket, its incredibly easy. I was born in India and have lived all my life in India. Indian cricket team consists only of Indian players. Being a patriot, I've no choice but to support Indian team. Being a proud Indian, I've no inclination to support any other team. I wish it was as easy to pick an IPL team to extend my support. But sadly, my personal history doesn't lend itself easily to support any one of the eight teams in the fray. Except for the pink city, Jaipur with which I've no relationship whatsoever, I find all the other cities equally appealing. I was born in New Delhi, (my grandparents hail from Chandigarh) but spent my formative years in Kolkatta, completed my graduation in Chennai, found my first job in Mumbai and stayed there for four years till I found a new job in Bangalore where I finally found the first love of my love, a lovely Hyderabadi girl. I've sweet and pleasant memories of all the seven cities (not much of New Delhi, but I was born there) which makes it almost impossible for me select one at the cost of another."
"Is it possible to sustain interest in the tournament on the basis of disinterest/apathy towards a single team? Maybe if I could hate Jaipur with some amount of intensity, I might be able to convert my hatred for the city to love for club-cricket. But Jaipur fails to generate any feelings on acute loathing inside me. On the contrary, it being the weakest team of the league only serves to generate feelings of sympathy that underdogs manage to generate for themselves."
"Selecting any team on the basis of any of the icons is almost as difficult as selecting any team on the basis of their cities. Sachin Tendulkar is all my all-time favorite cricketer, Dhoni is leading the one-day team, Ganguli was the guy responsible for giving Indian team its teeth, Yuvraj & Sehwag are the most exciting players to watch on their day, Laxman is in a class of his own and Dravid is a legend. How do I pick any one of them over the others?
I'm so sorry!
"I want to profusely apologize to all the big corporations, movie stars, marketers, BCCI and all the cricketers who have put in so much of effort to create fresh avenues of sporting entertainment in my life. I wish to thank all of you for your wonderful attempt to add excitement to my boring evenings spent watching dull shows on television. I'm so sorry that your attempts have so far failed to meet my expectations. But its not really your fault. You have tried your best using a format that has been quite successful in all other sports. Its me that has failed you"
"If a guy sitting in Mumbai can feel passion for 'Manchester United' a foreign team having no connection with India or with him, why should it be so hard for me, sitting in Bangalore to generate similar feelings for Mallya's boys? It doesn't make sense. I guess I'm unable to adapt myself to the demands of changing times, still stuck in an obsolete mental framework that reacts only to national divisions, when the need of the hour is to breakout from allegiance to wider, broader boundaries of nationalities and realign myself to narrower boundaries of club and city based loyalties."
One of our loyal readers, Mr.Purav Shah, wrote a long mail, expressing deep regret at his inability to enjoy the IPL tamasha.
"I'm sorry to say, but despite persistent efforts, I'm unable to find IPL matches interesting enough to devote 3-4 hours for 44 continuous days. I'm a huge cricket fan and have spent countless hours following the fortunes of our cricket team. When IPL was launched with so much fun-fare, I was considerably excited and was looking forward to fun-filled nights of 20-20 cricket matches. But as the tournament progresses, I find myself unable to stay interested in the proceedings. As soon as I reach home from a hard day at work, I grab my remote, my favorite sofa spot, turn on the TV and wait for the matches to start. But within few overs, my interest starts to wane, I lose my concentration, my eyes lose focus on the screen, my fingers start getting fidgety and I end up channel-surfing after every few deliveries, instead of changing channels at the end of the over as was the case when I used to watch regular one-day Internationals."
"Whats wrong with me?"
"I honestly don't know. All my friends and office colleagues have faced no problems in becoming accustomed to this wonderful new format of the game. So why I'm I unable to generate sufficient interest? After all, all the needed ingredients are there. Seventy-eight of world's best players slogging it out every night for my benefit with crores of rupees riding over them. Plus the like of Shahrukh Khan, Pretty Zinta & Vijay Mallya backing them. The 20-20 format is a proven success. Lots & Lots of Fours & Sixes. Media hype. All the biggest corporations of India are doling out billions to generate the needed hype. So much of moolah, so much of glamor - So where is it going wrong? Where am I going wrong?"
"My biggest problem is the most elementary one - my inability to choose the team I wish to support. How do I select the team worthy enough to devote all of my passion for the game? When it comes to test and one-day cricket, its incredibly easy. I was born in India and have lived all my life in India. Indian cricket team consists only of Indian players. Being a patriot, I've no choice but to support Indian team. Being a proud Indian, I've no inclination to support any other team. I wish it was as easy to pick an IPL team to extend my support. But sadly, my personal history doesn't lend itself easily to support any one of the eight teams in the fray. Except for the pink city, Jaipur with which I've no relationship whatsoever, I find all the other cities equally appealing. I was born in New Delhi, (my grandparents hail from Chandigarh) but spent my formative years in Kolkatta, completed my graduation in Chennai, found my first job in Mumbai and stayed there for four years till I found a new job in Bangalore where I finally found the first love of my love, a lovely Hyderabadi girl. I've sweet and pleasant memories of all the seven cities (not much of New Delhi, but I was born there) which makes it almost impossible for me select one at the cost of another."
"Is it possible to sustain interest in the tournament on the basis of disinterest/apathy towards a single team? Maybe if I could hate Jaipur with some amount of intensity, I might be able to convert my hatred for the city to love for club-cricket. But Jaipur fails to generate any feelings on acute loathing inside me. On the contrary, it being the weakest team of the league only serves to generate feelings of sympathy that underdogs manage to generate for themselves."
"Selecting any team on the basis of any of the icons is almost as difficult as selecting any team on the basis of their cities. Sachin Tendulkar is all my all-time favorite cricketer, Dhoni is leading the one-day team, Ganguli was the guy responsible for giving Indian team its teeth, Yuvraj & Sehwag are the most exciting players to watch on their day, Laxman is in a class of his own and Dravid is a legend. How do I pick any one of them over the others?
I'm so sorry!
"I want to profusely apologize to all the big corporations, movie stars, marketers, BCCI and all the cricketers who have put in so much of effort to create fresh avenues of sporting entertainment in my life. I wish to thank all of you for your wonderful attempt to add excitement to my boring evenings spent watching dull shows on television. I'm so sorry that your attempts have so far failed to meet my expectations. But its not really your fault. You have tried your best using a format that has been quite successful in all other sports. Its me that has failed you"
"If a guy sitting in Mumbai can feel passion for 'Manchester United' a foreign team having no connection with India or with him, why should it be so hard for me, sitting in Bangalore to generate similar feelings for Mallya's boys? It doesn't make sense. I guess I'm unable to adapt myself to the demands of changing times, still stuck in an obsolete mental framework that reacts only to national divisions, when the need of the hour is to breakout from allegiance to wider, broader boundaries of nationalities and realign myself to narrower boundaries of club and city based loyalties."
Feb 25, 2008
New study has discovered that employees don't really make much of a difference to a company.
New Delhi - In a new groundbreaking study, researchers at Delhi School of Economics have found that employees don't really make a difference to their companies success despite claims to the contrary.
"Through our research, we found that employees of most companies are duped into believing that their hard work and diligence are substantially important and contribute to the success and growth of their company. But what we discovered through our study is that employees don't really count for much" said Prof. Prabhat Bhatia at a press-conference held at university premises to release their findings.
"The process of duping employees into believing they are more worthy to the company than they actually are is achieved through various means - the primary being the use of motivating slogans like "Our employees are our greatest asset" or "Our employees are our partners in our growth"
Prof. Ramesh Nadkarni added "The high attrition rate, especially in the BPO industry, has prompted many companies in this sector to create strategies to make their employees feel they are special and crucial to the well-being of the company. Bosses and superiors are encouraged to tell their subordinates that they are doing a good job, irrespective of the quality of their work."
"Another important strategy that makes clever use of status-conscious Indian middle-class is to confer junior-level employees, who in the older days would have been designated as just clerks or when promoted given the status of head-clerk, with fancy designations designed to generate feelings of self-worth and importance in the minds of lower-level employees"
"Management Trainee, Personal Banker, Head of Department of Treasury, Executive Director of so-and-so operations, Junior VP of so-and-so department/operations, Operations Executive, Project Executive, Accounts Executive, Executive Strategy Manager, Senior Executive/Manager etc are some of the high-sounding, exalted and lofty designations that are conferred on employees who in good, old days would have been called clerk, teller, cashier, senior clerk, junior clerk, operation clerk, project clerk, account clerk, head-clerk and so on"
Prof. Surjeet Singh advised employees to be realistic while doing self-assessment, though it might be a painful procedure and a bit difficult to accept initially. "Its difficult to face the reality that you are just a cog in a wheel doing routine, unimportant, meaningless projects that can be done equally well by at least three-and-a-half-million universities and business school graduates who have been trained to do your job. But accept you must!
"The first step all employees should undertake in order to arrive at proper assessment of their worth, is to understand what management jargon really means. This can be done substituting all words that are designed to inflate your ego with their more realistic meanings. For example - the word 'important' which is heavily used in management-speak should be replaced with the word 'meaningless' wherever appropriate. Similarly the word 'valuable' should be substituted with the more accurate 'worthless'. After enough practice with this procedure, whenever your boss assigns to you an 'important' project as a 'valuable' employee of the organization, you will actually hear him saying "Shiva, this is a very meaningless project and I think you can make some meaningless contributions as a worthless member of our team." Once you begin to feel comfortable with that, you can substitute the word "shitty" for "meaningless," and you will arrive at a pretty good understanding of where you actually stand in the grand scheme of things."
According to Prof. Ravindra Tripathi who was in-charge of researching the economic impact of corporate sector's activities on the nation, most companies, contrary to the claims made by them of 'changing people's lives' or 'helping build the nation', don't really make much of difference to the nation or its people.
"Most companies are established only to manufacture a product and sell it at profit, to sell it to maximum number of people to maximize profits, to manufacture more and more products and sell it to more and more people to keep maximizing the profits to the maximum extent possible. In other words, companies are established with a single-point purpose - Profits. Changing people's life or building the nation is not much of a priority for any company." said Prof. Tripathi
"But looking at the bright side, this is actually good news for the worthless employees doing meaningless projects." added Prof Tripathi. "By failing to 'be a part of solution', by failing to succeed at your job, by failing to make much of a difference at a place that doesn't really make much of a difference to the nation and its people, at least you are not hurting anyone's interests." said Prof. Tripathi with a laugh.
"Through our research, we found that employees of most companies are duped into believing that their hard work and diligence are substantially important and contribute to the success and growth of their company. But what we discovered through our study is that employees don't really count for much" said Prof. Prabhat Bhatia at a press-conference held at university premises to release their findings.
"The process of duping employees into believing they are more worthy to the company than they actually are is achieved through various means - the primary being the use of motivating slogans like "Our employees are our greatest asset" or "Our employees are our partners in our growth"
Prof. Ramesh Nadkarni added "The high attrition rate, especially in the BPO industry, has prompted many companies in this sector to create strategies to make their employees feel they are special and crucial to the well-being of the company. Bosses and superiors are encouraged to tell their subordinates that they are doing a good job, irrespective of the quality of their work."
"Another important strategy that makes clever use of status-conscious Indian middle-class is to confer junior-level employees, who in the older days would have been designated as just clerks or when promoted given the status of head-clerk, with fancy designations designed to generate feelings of self-worth and importance in the minds of lower-level employees"
"Management Trainee, Personal Banker, Head of Department of Treasury, Executive Director of so-and-so operations, Junior VP of so-and-so department/operations, Operations Executive, Project Executive, Accounts Executive, Executive Strategy Manager, Senior Executive/Manager etc are some of the high-sounding, exalted and lofty designations that are conferred on employees who in good, old days would have been called clerk, teller, cashier, senior clerk, junior clerk, operation clerk, project clerk, account clerk, head-clerk and so on"
Prof. Surjeet Singh advised employees to be realistic while doing self-assessment, though it might be a painful procedure and a bit difficult to accept initially. "Its difficult to face the reality that you are just a cog in a wheel doing routine, unimportant, meaningless projects that can be done equally well by at least three-and-a-half-million universities and business school graduates who have been trained to do your job. But accept you must!
"The first step all employees should undertake in order to arrive at proper assessment of their worth, is to understand what management jargon really means. This can be done substituting all words that are designed to inflate your ego with their more realistic meanings. For example - the word 'important' which is heavily used in management-speak should be replaced with the word 'meaningless' wherever appropriate. Similarly the word 'valuable' should be substituted with the more accurate 'worthless'. After enough practice with this procedure, whenever your boss assigns to you an 'important' project as a 'valuable' employee of the organization, you will actually hear him saying "Shiva, this is a very meaningless project and I think you can make some meaningless contributions as a worthless member of our team." Once you begin to feel comfortable with that, you can substitute the word "shitty" for "meaningless," and you will arrive at a pretty good understanding of where you actually stand in the grand scheme of things."
According to Prof. Ravindra Tripathi who was in-charge of researching the economic impact of corporate sector's activities on the nation, most companies, contrary to the claims made by them of 'changing people's lives' or 'helping build the nation', don't really make much of difference to the nation or its people.
"Most companies are established only to manufacture a product and sell it at profit, to sell it to maximum number of people to maximize profits, to manufacture more and more products and sell it to more and more people to keep maximizing the profits to the maximum extent possible. In other words, companies are established with a single-point purpose - Profits. Changing people's life or building the nation is not much of a priority for any company." said Prof. Tripathi
"But looking at the bright side, this is actually good news for the worthless employees doing meaningless projects." added Prof Tripathi. "By failing to 'be a part of solution', by failing to succeed at your job, by failing to make much of a difference at a place that doesn't really make much of a difference to the nation and its people, at least you are not hurting anyone's interests." said Prof. Tripathi with a laugh.
Feb 24, 2008
Project Save Tiger: Reader asks, Why the fuck should I save the tiger?
Last week in these columns, we featured an online survey to gauge readers opinion about "Save the Tiger" project run by the ministry of Environment and forestry, Government of India in cooperation with several NGO's and with the aid of heavy media campaign run by NDTV.
The inputs that we have received from our readers reveal a very mixed response. While some have displayed the needed enthusiasm to get engaged with 'save the tiger' campaign, majority of the respondents were apathetic about the future of the royal bengal tiger. But dismally, many of the respondents displayed mark hostility when asked to give their opinion on future of the endangered tiger.
Himesh Garodia, 29, responding through email asked angrily "Why the fuck should I save the tiger? Why the fuck should I be bothered to save the fucking tiger? If, god forbid, my life is in danger, would the tiger try to save me? Forget saving me from danger, if I ever come face-to-face with a tiger, this goddamned creature would be the very cause of danger to my life. Why the fuck would I want to save a creature who could be a potential threat to my peaceful existence?
"What would I get in return for saving the tiger? When one saves someone, one expects to be applauded for the valiant act of saving a life and thanked profusely by the person who has been saved, but in the case of saving tigers can I expect anything in return for my efforts? If I show up to meet the tiger I've helped being saved, would this wretched creature at the very least give me grateful looks as one would expect from domesticated pets? No, on the contrary, he would leap upon me and within seconds make me his midday meal."
Uday Sathye, librarian at Pune University couldn't understand all the fuss about saving the tiger. In his emailed response he pointed out "Our planet earth is facing sixth mass extinction. We are currently losing something on the order of 30,000 species per year - which breaks down to the even more daunting statistic of some three species per hour. We are facing a severe biodiversity crisis that could end up endangering humans in the next century. Scientists have predicted that at least one in eight known plant species is threatened with extinction and that up to one-fifth of all living species could disappear within 30 years.
"When all life on earth is in severe danger of extinction, why should I care about saving a bunch of wild cats roaming the forests of Sunderbans? Sathye fumed.
Meanwhile, our sources reporting from the deep jungles of Sunderban have revealed that the herbivorous wildlife inhabiting the jungles is contemplating forming 'Save Our Flesh From the Tiger' (SOFT) project in response to 'Save the Tiger' project. Several hundreds of deers, antelopes, wild boars, buffaloes and many other species of wild animals that are regular preys of the big cats, have come together in an attempt to publicize their side of the story and garner some sympathy for their sorry plight .
Honchu, the wild hog, spokesbeast of this newly formed front expressed his dismay at the lack of interest among human beings about the sufferings of prey animals. "Just because we are not facing extinction, does it mean that we don't deserve to be saved? When will humans wake up and get worked up over the dangers that we, the long suffering victims of tiger hunger and brutality, face on a daily basis? Do we have to wait till the time we face extinction before being noticed by humans and added to their 'save the imperiled specie' projects?
The inputs that we have received from our readers reveal a very mixed response. While some have displayed the needed enthusiasm to get engaged with 'save the tiger' campaign, majority of the respondents were apathetic about the future of the royal bengal tiger. But dismally, many of the respondents displayed mark hostility when asked to give their opinion on future of the endangered tiger.
Himesh Garodia, 29, responding through email asked angrily "Why the fuck should I save the tiger? Why the fuck should I be bothered to save the fucking tiger? If, god forbid, my life is in danger, would the tiger try to save me? Forget saving me from danger, if I ever come face-to-face with a tiger, this goddamned creature would be the very cause of danger to my life. Why the fuck would I want to save a creature who could be a potential threat to my peaceful existence?
"What would I get in return for saving the tiger? When one saves someone, one expects to be applauded for the valiant act of saving a life and thanked profusely by the person who has been saved, but in the case of saving tigers can I expect anything in return for my efforts? If I show up to meet the tiger I've helped being saved, would this wretched creature at the very least give me grateful looks as one would expect from domesticated pets? No, on the contrary, he would leap upon me and within seconds make me his midday meal."
Uday Sathye, librarian at Pune University couldn't understand all the fuss about saving the tiger. In his emailed response he pointed out "Our planet earth is facing sixth mass extinction. We are currently losing something on the order of 30,000 species per year - which breaks down to the even more daunting statistic of some three species per hour. We are facing a severe biodiversity crisis that could end up endangering humans in the next century. Scientists have predicted that at least one in eight known plant species is threatened with extinction and that up to one-fifth of all living species could disappear within 30 years.
"When all life on earth is in severe danger of extinction, why should I care about saving a bunch of wild cats roaming the forests of Sunderbans? Sathye fumed.
Meanwhile, our sources reporting from the deep jungles of Sunderban have revealed that the herbivorous wildlife inhabiting the jungles is contemplating forming 'Save Our Flesh From the Tiger' (SOFT) project in response to 'Save the Tiger' project. Several hundreds of deers, antelopes, wild boars, buffaloes and many other species of wild animals that are regular preys of the big cats, have come together in an attempt to publicize their side of the story and garner some sympathy for their sorry plight .
Honchu, the wild hog, spokesbeast of this newly formed front expressed his dismay at the lack of interest among human beings about the sufferings of prey animals. "Just because we are not facing extinction, does it mean that we don't deserve to be saved? When will humans wake up and get worked up over the dangers that we, the long suffering victims of tiger hunger and brutality, face on a daily basis? Do we have to wait till the time we face extinction before being noticed by humans and added to their 'save the imperiled specie' projects?
Feb 23, 2008
International: News Briefs: Donald Trump comes to rescue of dead Iraqis
Baghdad (Iraq) - As terrorism and insurgency continues to take a huge toll on Iraq, the country faces a grave shortage of graveyards to bury the thousands of Iraqis who fall prey to insurgents every month.
The increasing body count leading to cemetery shortage has prompted legendary American real estate magnet Donald Trump to establish a subsidiary in Iraq devoted to help Iraqis bury their dead easily, conveniently and comfortably. Very early into the Iraq war, Mr Trump foresaw a unique business opportunity when he discovered that Iraqis were running out of cemeteries to bury their dead. Sensing a profitable venture, with remarkable acumen and foresight, Mr. Trump started buying every piece of land he could lay his feet on that was ruined, destroyed and discarded due to heavy aerial bombardment by the American forces.
Mr.Trump today announced the establishment of a new subsidiary of Trump Inc. named "Collateral Damage Cemeteries & Graveyards Inc" (Coldam C&G Inc) which will have 28 cemeteries all over Iraq, 12 of them in Baghdad itself. These 28 cemeteries will help bury at least 7500 freshly dead Iraqis every month.
"Trump Inc is proud to establish this new venture to aid the Iraqis in easy disposal of their dead. Our 28 new cemeteries will help ease the pressure on existing Iraqi cemeteries. We are aware that with insurgency and terrorism showing no sign of any decline, our cemeteries will not be able to take the load of the increasing death toll. In view of that, we are announcing a franchisee scheme with revenue sharing upto 50% of net profits. We require Iraqi land-owners and enterprising entrepreneurs to become enthusiastic participants in our scheme and become our partners in our mission to help Iraqis bury their dead with ease" Trump said at a press conference held at Hotel Baghdad Nights in Baghdad.
Trump added "Iraq has suffered very hard for very long. Unending violence, terrorism and insurgency has taken a huge toll on poor Iraqis and they are yearning for peace. We cannot do much to provide them peace from violence, suicide bombings and killings. But we can at least provide Iraqis with peace of the graveyard and I assure you we are doing our best to provide Iraqis the best possible peace of the graveyard."
"Unlike traditional Iraqi graveyards, our cemeteries will be modern, furnished with state-of-the-art facilities where the dead will be assured a decent burial. The exteriors of the cemeteries will be designed by leading architects of our group. The interiors will include an administration/visitor center with a state of the art information booth and a grave-site locater which will facilitate family members to easily locate a loved one buried at the cemetery"
Mr.Trump also announced that the stock of Coldam C&G Inc will be very soon listed at NYSE, after completion of all formalities. "In view of the constantly deteriorating condition of Iraq, we expect our new subsidiary to do good business and break even within one year of its operation and enjoy 20-25% annual profits thereafter. As such it should quote at a good premium."
"Apart from the franchise option, we are looking towards expansion of the cemetery business in neighboring countries. With war in Iran a distinct possibility, we are hoping that the collateral damage that Iran would suffer would help us buy real estate in Iran at very cheap rates. Since the population of Iran is substantially more than Iraq, rate of deaths per months & death toll is expected to be much higher than Iraq."
Mr.Trump said that unlike Saddam Hussein, Iran's president Ahmedinejad would prove to be a tougher nut to crack and would possibly hold out against the American forces much longer thereby increasing the possibility of a larger death toll. "Unlike the Iraq war, war with Iran will be far more dangerous, deadlier and bloodier providing Coldam Inc with tremendous opportunities to expand and grow"
The increasing body count leading to cemetery shortage has prompted legendary American real estate magnet Donald Trump to establish a subsidiary in Iraq devoted to help Iraqis bury their dead easily, conveniently and comfortably. Very early into the Iraq war, Mr Trump foresaw a unique business opportunity when he discovered that Iraqis were running out of cemeteries to bury their dead. Sensing a profitable venture, with remarkable acumen and foresight, Mr. Trump started buying every piece of land he could lay his feet on that was ruined, destroyed and discarded due to heavy aerial bombardment by the American forces.
Mr.Trump today announced the establishment of a new subsidiary of Trump Inc. named "Collateral Damage Cemeteries & Graveyards Inc" (Coldam C&G Inc) which will have 28 cemeteries all over Iraq, 12 of them in Baghdad itself. These 28 cemeteries will help bury at least 7500 freshly dead Iraqis every month.
"Trump Inc is proud to establish this new venture to aid the Iraqis in easy disposal of their dead. Our 28 new cemeteries will help ease the pressure on existing Iraqi cemeteries. We are aware that with insurgency and terrorism showing no sign of any decline, our cemeteries will not be able to take the load of the increasing death toll. In view of that, we are announcing a franchisee scheme with revenue sharing upto 50% of net profits. We require Iraqi land-owners and enterprising entrepreneurs to become enthusiastic participants in our scheme and become our partners in our mission to help Iraqis bury their dead with ease" Trump said at a press conference held at Hotel Baghdad Nights in Baghdad.
Trump added "Iraq has suffered very hard for very long. Unending violence, terrorism and insurgency has taken a huge toll on poor Iraqis and they are yearning for peace. We cannot do much to provide them peace from violence, suicide bombings and killings. But we can at least provide Iraqis with peace of the graveyard and I assure you we are doing our best to provide Iraqis the best possible peace of the graveyard."
"Unlike traditional Iraqi graveyards, our cemeteries will be modern, furnished with state-of-the-art facilities where the dead will be assured a decent burial. The exteriors of the cemeteries will be designed by leading architects of our group. The interiors will include an administration/visitor center with a state of the art information booth and a grave-site locater which will facilitate family members to easily locate a loved one buried at the cemetery"
Mr.Trump also announced that the stock of Coldam C&G Inc will be very soon listed at NYSE, after completion of all formalities. "In view of the constantly deteriorating condition of Iraq, we expect our new subsidiary to do good business and break even within one year of its operation and enjoy 20-25% annual profits thereafter. As such it should quote at a good premium."
"Apart from the franchise option, we are looking towards expansion of the cemetery business in neighboring countries. With war in Iran a distinct possibility, we are hoping that the collateral damage that Iran would suffer would help us buy real estate in Iran at very cheap rates. Since the population of Iran is substantially more than Iraq, rate of deaths per months & death toll is expected to be much higher than Iraq."
Mr.Trump said that unlike Saddam Hussein, Iran's president Ahmedinejad would prove to be a tougher nut to crack and would possibly hold out against the American forces much longer thereby increasing the possibility of a larger death toll. "Unlike the Iraq war, war with Iran will be far more dangerous, deadlier and bloodier providing Coldam Inc with tremendous opportunities to expand and grow"
Feb 22, 2008
Cola wars: "All your eyeballs will belong to us"
2008-02-19 20:39:48
Email Print Version
The mercury is rising and cola giants are getting ready for the another exciting, expensive, fun-filled battle of the cola-wars.
Pepsico India, Indian subsidiary of Pepsico Inc has embarked on a multi-million dollar advertising campaign to court and entrap Indian consumer for the coming summer season.
Fresh new episodes of the Cola-war Season 2008 will feature the ubiquitous superstar Shahrukh Khan & rising star Ranvir Kapoor along with latest eyesore-marketed-as-eyecandy Deepika Paducone. The trio of stars will be let loose will full force and thunder upon millions of thirsty guys and girls across the nation. The Khan-Kapoor combination is expected to result in hearts of all the girls of India fluttering and asking for more, while sultry seductress of 'Om Shanti Om' is expected to leave all the guys of India thirsty for Pepsi.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us" thundered Mr. Pravin Bhushan, Head of Sales & Marketing, Pepsico India
"We will follow everywhere you go. We will hound you, hunt you, stalk you, trace you down and leave you with no escape routes. Every time you tune into your idiot box, you will have no choice but to watch our trio seduce you. Your remote-control would be rendered useless. Your hapless changing of channels will be of little use as you will find our terrific trio smiling and hoodwinking you on every channel you can tune to.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
"We will unleash all our millions to capture all your attention. We will hypnotize you, mesmerize you, captivate you, entrance you and put you under our spell. Every time you open a newspaper or a magazine, you will find us there. Every page you turn to will have our tremendous trio casting a charm on you.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
"We will leave no stone unturned to seduce you. We will entice you, tempt you, hook you, bait you and leave you wanting for more. Every website you open, you will bump into us; every radio station you tune to, you will hear our jingles; every road you take, you will discover our hoardings. We will leave you with no choice but to surrender to us"
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
Email Print Version
The mercury is rising and cola giants are getting ready for the another exciting, expensive, fun-filled battle of the cola-wars.
Pepsico India, Indian subsidiary of Pepsico Inc has embarked on a multi-million dollar advertising campaign to court and entrap Indian consumer for the coming summer season.
Fresh new episodes of the Cola-war Season 2008 will feature the ubiquitous superstar Shahrukh Khan & rising star Ranvir Kapoor along with latest eyesore-marketed-as-eyecandy Deepika Paducone. The trio of stars will be let loose will full force and thunder upon millions of thirsty guys and girls across the nation. The Khan-Kapoor combination is expected to result in hearts of all the girls of India fluttering and asking for more, while sultry seductress of 'Om Shanti Om' is expected to leave all the guys of India thirsty for Pepsi.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us" thundered Mr. Pravin Bhushan, Head of Sales & Marketing, Pepsico India
"We will follow everywhere you go. We will hound you, hunt you, stalk you, trace you down and leave you with no escape routes. Every time you tune into your idiot box, you will have no choice but to watch our trio seduce you. Your remote-control would be rendered useless. Your hapless changing of channels will be of little use as you will find our terrific trio smiling and hoodwinking you on every channel you can tune to.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
"We will unleash all our millions to capture all your attention. We will hypnotize you, mesmerize you, captivate you, entrance you and put you under our spell. Every time you open a newspaper or a magazine, you will find us there. Every page you turn to will have our tremendous trio casting a charm on you.
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
"We will leave no stone unturned to seduce you. We will entice you, tempt you, hook you, bait you and leave you wanting for more. Every website you open, you will bump into us; every radio station you tune to, you will hear our jingles; every road you take, you will discover our hoardings. We will leave you with no choice but to surrender to us"
"All your eyeballs will belong to us"
BCCI announces cricket commenting course
Mumbai - Board of Control of Cricket (BCCI) today at a press conference announced new free online crash course in cricket commenting for the benefit of millions of cricket fans. BCCI Spokesman Rajiv Shukla, speaking to press reporters observed that BCCI felt the need to introduce this special free course in order to control the quality of cricket commenting in India, which has unfortunately not kept pace with the quality of cricket being played by our cricketers.
"We have observed that with the increasing use of internet, millions of cricket fans now regularly pass comments on various aspects of the game on thousands of online forums, blogs and sports websites" said Mr. Shukla. "But sadly, the quality of the comments posted on these forums and sites leaves a lot to be desired. Cricketers have become favorite punching bags of vast majority of Indians who vent out frustrations in their personal lives by hitting out at cricketers unfairly and without judiciously using their judgement faculties. Too often, rude remarks, abuses, slander and smear is passed off as commenting on the game"
"At a time when we are demanding a total ban on sledging on the field, this sad state of affairs off the field and on our computer screens is unacceptable. As controllers of cricket, it has become imperative for us to also control commenting on cricket by amateur & untrained commentators and raise the standard of commenting to professional levels" added Mr. Shukla.
Explaining the curriculum of the proposed course, Mr Shukla said the one of the primary module of the course would consist of improving the long-term memory of the trainees doing the course. "Indians tend to have notorious short memory which severely impairs their ability to make rational comments. For example, when Dhoni and his young team did well and won the T20 world cup, majority of Indian cricket fans strongly opined that it was now time for the senior cricketers to hang up their boots and allow the younger players to takeover. But due to short memories, this view changed dramatically when the junior players failed in Australia resulting in protests against dropping of senior players from the one-dayers."
"The curriculum of the course will also include topics that will teach the trainees how to distinguish between 'temporary loss of form' and 'poor cricketing abilities' which in due course of time would result in players being protected from being abused due to temporary loss of form and also protect selectors from being repeatedly described as 'bunch of jokers' for including non-performing players in the team."
"Included in the curriculum would be a module that would provide training in controlling emotions. The specially designed course module will make use of NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) techniques to teach trainees to temper their emotions. Since there is a danger of fans loosing interest in the game (and consequent loss of revenue) out of detachment arising from controlling their emotions, the course material will be designed to control only 'negative emotions' like anger and disappointment, while positive emotions of joy, merriment and cricket addiction, that arise from the team winning will be encouraged and boosted."
Those completing the course successfully will be awarded the status of "Certified Cricket Commentors" (as opposed to 'commentators' to distinguish them from professional media commentators, observed Mr. Shukla
Also present at the press conference was BCCI Secretary, Niranjan Shah who later further explained the modalities of the course. Mr Shah said that a certificate for successful completion of the course would be provided in the form of 3D holographic image file with the name of the commentor embedded in it, which can be used as signature-attachment by commentors on various forums and sites to demonstrate their competence in making rational comments. This will make it easier for moderators of forums and webmaster in deleting abusive and irrational comments.
Mr Shah hoped that millions of Indians will avail of this opportunity and enroll for this course in earnest. "Considering all the hard work and sweat that goes into making of an international cricketer, the least we can do for our cricketers is to become 'intelligent commentors' of the game and support them during their times of crisis.
"We have observed that with the increasing use of internet, millions of cricket fans now regularly pass comments on various aspects of the game on thousands of online forums, blogs and sports websites" said Mr. Shukla. "But sadly, the quality of the comments posted on these forums and sites leaves a lot to be desired. Cricketers have become favorite punching bags of vast majority of Indians who vent out frustrations in their personal lives by hitting out at cricketers unfairly and without judiciously using their judgement faculties. Too often, rude remarks, abuses, slander and smear is passed off as commenting on the game"
"At a time when we are demanding a total ban on sledging on the field, this sad state of affairs off the field and on our computer screens is unacceptable. As controllers of cricket, it has become imperative for us to also control commenting on cricket by amateur & untrained commentators and raise the standard of commenting to professional levels" added Mr. Shukla.
Explaining the curriculum of the proposed course, Mr Shukla said the one of the primary module of the course would consist of improving the long-term memory of the trainees doing the course. "Indians tend to have notorious short memory which severely impairs their ability to make rational comments. For example, when Dhoni and his young team did well and won the T20 world cup, majority of Indian cricket fans strongly opined that it was now time for the senior cricketers to hang up their boots and allow the younger players to takeover. But due to short memories, this view changed dramatically when the junior players failed in Australia resulting in protests against dropping of senior players from the one-dayers."
"The curriculum of the course will also include topics that will teach the trainees how to distinguish between 'temporary loss of form' and 'poor cricketing abilities' which in due course of time would result in players being protected from being abused due to temporary loss of form and also protect selectors from being repeatedly described as 'bunch of jokers' for including non-performing players in the team."
"Included in the curriculum would be a module that would provide training in controlling emotions. The specially designed course module will make use of NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) techniques to teach trainees to temper their emotions. Since there is a danger of fans loosing interest in the game (and consequent loss of revenue) out of detachment arising from controlling their emotions, the course material will be designed to control only 'negative emotions' like anger and disappointment, while positive emotions of joy, merriment and cricket addiction, that arise from the team winning will be encouraged and boosted."
Those completing the course successfully will be awarded the status of "Certified Cricket Commentors" (as opposed to 'commentators' to distinguish them from professional media commentators, observed Mr. Shukla
Also present at the press conference was BCCI Secretary, Niranjan Shah who later further explained the modalities of the course. Mr Shah said that a certificate for successful completion of the course would be provided in the form of 3D holographic image file with the name of the commentor embedded in it, which can be used as signature-attachment by commentors on various forums and sites to demonstrate their competence in making rational comments. This will make it easier for moderators of forums and webmaster in deleting abusive and irrational comments.
Mr Shah hoped that millions of Indians will avail of this opportunity and enroll for this course in earnest. "Considering all the hard work and sweat that goes into making of an international cricketer, the least we can do for our cricketers is to become 'intelligent commentors' of the game and support them during their times of crisis.
Feb 21, 2008
Lord Rama Dismayed At The Quality of NDTV Imagine's Ramayana
After watching a few episodes of Prem Sagar's Ramayana on NDTV Imagine, Lord Rama demanded that creative control of the series should be handed over to him.
"I had expected that after all these years since the first Ramayana series produced by Ramanand Sagar, was screened on Doordarshan, there would be major improvement in production values, realistic-looking sets, less garish costumes, believable dialogues, competent acting by the actor playing my character, state-of-the-art special effects and so on. But on viewing the first few episodes I've to say this - I'm terribly, terribly disappointed"
"Just what was Prem thinking when he decided to make the new series as a frame-by-frame copy of the earlier series directed by his dad? What's the point of it all? They could have just rerun the earlier series instead of taking all the trouble to remake a brand, new series."
NDTV Imagine's unimaginative depiction of Ramayana
"I feel like such a failure as one of India's foremost deities. If it wasn't enough that I completely failed in preventing a bunch of lunatics from making so much hue and cry over my place of birth, now I've to live with the embarrassment of being the star of such a pathetic, shoddy remake of an equally pathetic, shoddy television series based on my life and times. What's the use of being such a mighty deity worshiped by hundreds of millions, if I don't even have the power to put an end to such cheapjack and tawdry television series depicting my life?" Lord Rama said in dismay
"Do I even deserve to be regarded as a divine deity, if I can't even control or manage the minds of television bosses and small-time telly directors and influence them to produce a world-class TV series made with best production standards, as befitting such a powerful divine entity as me? Come to think of it, in the present era television channel bosses and penny-and-paisa directors have more power to control the minds of millions than an actual divine lord such as me. I just get worshiped in temples, used & abused to garner votes by petty politicians and written, talked & debated by clueless millions, while these television biggies are the ones who get to decide how the favorite gods of the masses would look, talk, walk, whine like"
"I had originally planned my comeback to planet earth as Lord Kalki (of course with some additional soul-input from my oversoul - Lord Vishnu) to fight and defeat the evil forces ruling the earth and reestablish golden age of truth and dharma on earth. But frankly speaking, what chance on earth, I've to beat powerful cabals controlling earth, when I lack even the ability to remote-influence directors of trashy television serials? I think I'll be satisfied just coming back in this world as a director of the caliber of Ridley Scott or Peter Jackson. As and when I reincarnate back on earth, I will make a grand 'Ramayana' movie which I hope will turn out to be the greatest Indian movie ever made."
"No more gaudy, cardboard sets to depict my ayodhya residence of yore, no more wimpy characters bowing and scrapping all the time and using a funny lingo made up for comical words like 'matashri', 'pitashri' and 'bhatashri'; no more deafeningly loud music score and endless recitation of boring bhajans extolling my virtues, no more colorful, tacky costumes, no more cheesy plastic bows-and-arrows masquerading as ancient missiles flying in the air like rudderless paper-planes . I'm tired of it all".
"My version of Ramayana will be a brilliant, classy, hollywood-standard movie using the latest special effects and made with the best actors around. It will have all the elements that went into making of blockbuster mythological movies like "Lord of the Ring" trilogy or epic semi-historical mega-hits like 'Braveheart' or 'Gladiator'. It will be a grand, magnificent spectacle that will draw billions all over the world and will fetch me at least a dozen academy nominations"
"Yes, dear devotees, I'll be back! Back as producer and director of India's first genuine crossover movie."
"I had expected that after all these years since the first Ramayana series produced by Ramanand Sagar, was screened on Doordarshan, there would be major improvement in production values, realistic-looking sets, less garish costumes, believable dialogues, competent acting by the actor playing my character, state-of-the-art special effects and so on. But on viewing the first few episodes I've to say this - I'm terribly, terribly disappointed"
"Just what was Prem thinking when he decided to make the new series as a frame-by-frame copy of the earlier series directed by his dad? What's the point of it all? They could have just rerun the earlier series instead of taking all the trouble to remake a brand, new series."
NDTV Imagine's unimaginative depiction of Ramayana
"I feel like such a failure as one of India's foremost deities. If it wasn't enough that I completely failed in preventing a bunch of lunatics from making so much hue and cry over my place of birth, now I've to live with the embarrassment of being the star of such a pathetic, shoddy remake of an equally pathetic, shoddy television series based on my life and times. What's the use of being such a mighty deity worshiped by hundreds of millions, if I don't even have the power to put an end to such cheapjack and tawdry television series depicting my life?" Lord Rama said in dismay
"Do I even deserve to be regarded as a divine deity, if I can't even control or manage the minds of television bosses and small-time telly directors and influence them to produce a world-class TV series made with best production standards, as befitting such a powerful divine entity as me? Come to think of it, in the present era television channel bosses and penny-and-paisa directors have more power to control the minds of millions than an actual divine lord such as me. I just get worshiped in temples, used & abused to garner votes by petty politicians and written, talked & debated by clueless millions, while these television biggies are the ones who get to decide how the favorite gods of the masses would look, talk, walk, whine like"
"I had originally planned my comeback to planet earth as Lord Kalki (of course with some additional soul-input from my oversoul - Lord Vishnu) to fight and defeat the evil forces ruling the earth and reestablish golden age of truth and dharma on earth. But frankly speaking, what chance on earth, I've to beat powerful cabals controlling earth, when I lack even the ability to remote-influence directors of trashy television serials? I think I'll be satisfied just coming back in this world as a director of the caliber of Ridley Scott or Peter Jackson. As and when I reincarnate back on earth, I will make a grand 'Ramayana' movie which I hope will turn out to be the greatest Indian movie ever made."
"No more gaudy, cardboard sets to depict my ayodhya residence of yore, no more wimpy characters bowing and scrapping all the time and using a funny lingo made up for comical words like 'matashri', 'pitashri' and 'bhatashri'; no more deafeningly loud music score and endless recitation of boring bhajans extolling my virtues, no more colorful, tacky costumes, no more cheesy plastic bows-and-arrows masquerading as ancient missiles flying in the air like rudderless paper-planes . I'm tired of it all".
"My version of Ramayana will be a brilliant, classy, hollywood-standard movie using the latest special effects and made with the best actors around. It will have all the elements that went into making of blockbuster mythological movies like "Lord of the Ring" trilogy or epic semi-historical mega-hits like 'Braveheart' or 'Gladiator'. It will be a grand, magnificent spectacle that will draw billions all over the world and will fetch me at least a dozen academy nominations"
"Yes, dear devotees, I'll be back! Back as producer and director of India's first genuine crossover movie."
Feb 20, 2008
TCS liberates 500 wage slaves.
Tata Consultancy Services (TCS) - One of the world’s leading information technology companies which boasts of processes like the Global Network Delivery Model™, Innovation Network, and Solution Accelerator in a bold and radical move liberated more than 500 wage slaves from its offices.
"You are all free, free to go!" said TCS CEO S Ramadorai to the 500 employees freed from the corporation's cubicles. "No more you have to live a bleak, joyless existence, chained to your cubicles in a never-ending Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 routine. Your future is now wide-open. Now, go!"
Ramdorai explained that though the company has performed according to market expectations with a five per cent quarter-on-quarter growth in revenue and 6.7 per cent rise in net profit for October-December, its margins and revenues have been severely affected by rising rupee vis-a-vis the U.S. dollar necessitating the need to free 500 of its wage slaves.
Public response to the liberation has been quite positive, particularly among the company's shareholders. The price of TCS stock has jumped up by nearly 20% percent from its recent 52 week low of Rs.725 despite the recent meltdown in stock markets.
The 500 freed workers who were handed pink slips with images of freed pigeons printed on them, cleared out their desks and were escorted from the building within an hour. In spite of Ramdorai's jubilance, the freed wage slaves were strangely quiet and grim as they walked out of the TCS headquarters in Pune, carrying their possessions in cardboard boxes.
Ajoyendra Mukherjee, Executive Director and Head of TCS's Global Human Resources added, "They were hard-working, extremely intelligent and competent wage-slaves. But I know in my heart that keeping them here was a crime against human resources. The world is changing, especially the economy, and no decent businessman could look at margin pressures, do a cost-benefit analysis and not see that letting them go was the best thing to do."
Upon hearing the news of their freedom, most of the freshly liberated wage slaves expressed consternation over their uncertain futures.
"I don't know what I'm even supposed to do now," said Sushant Malekar. "I was born into a family of wage slaves. I've never known anything but wage slavery. How will I survive in the wild and dangerous world outside the boundaries of my office? What will I do with myself? How will I pay my bills?
"But on the other hand, I'll never have to face annual appraisal cycles and worry about getting good grades. No more undergoing performance improvement plans or additional training and assignments" Sushant added.
Ananth Krishnan, Vice President and CTO explained "In a truly modern economy, aligning with the market dynamism is a must. The very essence of human capital management is to create an environment which is conducive to free movement of workforce. Under such an environment, letting people go is the only right thing to do. Certainly, TCS could have kept those poor wretches slaving away for the company, as some have been doing for decades . But, we must ask, at what cost?"
"Actually, Rs.7,47,234 average annual overhead per employee inclusive of salary, perks and benefits, paid insurance and vacations and stock options"
"You are all free, free to go!" said TCS CEO S Ramadorai to the 500 employees freed from the corporation's cubicles. "No more you have to live a bleak, joyless existence, chained to your cubicles in a never-ending Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 routine. Your future is now wide-open. Now, go!"
Ramdorai explained that though the company has performed according to market expectations with a five per cent quarter-on-quarter growth in revenue and 6.7 per cent rise in net profit for October-December, its margins and revenues have been severely affected by rising rupee vis-a-vis the U.S. dollar necessitating the need to free 500 of its wage slaves.
Public response to the liberation has been quite positive, particularly among the company's shareholders. The price of TCS stock has jumped up by nearly 20% percent from its recent 52 week low of Rs.725 despite the recent meltdown in stock markets.
The 500 freed workers who were handed pink slips with images of freed pigeons printed on them, cleared out their desks and were escorted from the building within an hour. In spite of Ramdorai's jubilance, the freed wage slaves were strangely quiet and grim as they walked out of the TCS headquarters in Pune, carrying their possessions in cardboard boxes.
Ajoyendra Mukherjee, Executive Director and Head of TCS's Global Human Resources added, "They were hard-working, extremely intelligent and competent wage-slaves. But I know in my heart that keeping them here was a crime against human resources. The world is changing, especially the economy, and no decent businessman could look at margin pressures, do a cost-benefit analysis and not see that letting them go was the best thing to do."
Upon hearing the news of their freedom, most of the freshly liberated wage slaves expressed consternation over their uncertain futures.
"I don't know what I'm even supposed to do now," said Sushant Malekar. "I was born into a family of wage slaves. I've never known anything but wage slavery. How will I survive in the wild and dangerous world outside the boundaries of my office? What will I do with myself? How will I pay my bills?
"But on the other hand, I'll never have to face annual appraisal cycles and worry about getting good grades. No more undergoing performance improvement plans or additional training and assignments" Sushant added.
Ananth Krishnan, Vice President and CTO explained "In a truly modern economy, aligning with the market dynamism is a must. The very essence of human capital management is to create an environment which is conducive to free movement of workforce. Under such an environment, letting people go is the only right thing to do. Certainly, TCS could have kept those poor wretches slaving away for the company, as some have been doing for decades . But, we must ask, at what cost?"
"Actually, Rs.7,47,234 average annual overhead per employee inclusive of salary, perks and benefits, paid insurance and vacations and stock options"
Feb 18, 2008
Survey reveals: Aishwarya Rai still looking beautiful
According to a recent survey conducted by celebrity lifestyle magazine 'G', Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai continues to look beautiful.
"She used to look stunningly beautiful when I first caught a glimpse of her in the Pepsi commercial," Indore-based fllm critic Rahul Pandey said. "After all these years and after looking at thousands of stunningly beautiful women, she is still looking stunningly beautiful"
Movie buff Ajay Srivastav, coming out of the multiplex showing her latest bollywood blockbuster 'Jodha Akbar' couldn't stop raving about her beauty. "Ms Rai looks beautiful in whatever role is assigned to her. She looked beautiful as Gurubhai's wife in 'Guru' and she continues to look beautiful as Akbar's wife in Jodha Akbar"
"I wish I looked one tenth as beautiful as she's looking," Ajay's wife added.
Aishwarya Rai, whose beautiful eyes and ravishing looks have captivated millions of Indians, across all categories of race, religion, class and gender, has for the past 15 years attained the highest possible scores in every known measure of physical attractiveness.
A recent poll conducted by Filmfare magazine revealed that 25 percent of respondents described Ms Rai looking "stunning," 15 percent found her looking "gorgeous" and 5 percent found her looking "ravishing", yet poised and intelligent, as one would expect a former Miss World to look."
"When you think of Aishwarya Rai, the first thing you think is 'beautiful'" said Bhavna Somani, editor of Stardust magazine. "The second thing you think is 'stunningly beautiful' and the third thing is 'beautiful beyond words'
Ad film-maker Prahlad Kakkar when asked about Ms Rai's beauty, said "I find Ms Rai the epitome of beauty. In my line of work, I'm surrounded by stunningly beautiful ladies all the time, yet I've to say that every time I look at Aishwarya I get startled by her beauty and wonder how she manages to look more beautiful than the best of beauties I work with"
Almost everyone who was contacted for the survey were unanimous in their opinion that Ms Rai's was the most beautiful woman they have seen in last 15 years.
Given a chance, if they had to choose between looking at a thousand pictures and poses of Ms Rai or thousand snapshots of the rest of the most beautiful women of the planet, most of the surveyors opined that they would undoubtedly choose looking at thousand different snaps of Rai.
"Variety may be the spice of life; but when you are presented with perfection, you choose perfection" famous photographer Raghu Rajvanshya responded, "Ms Rai is a perfect beauty and I would prefer gazing at her perfect features a million times than looking at a million less-endowed, less-stunning beautiful women"
Ms Rai when contacted for her response to the survey initially declined to comment, but on persistence said with a giggle "I'm so grateful to my parents for giving me birth and passing on their beautiful genes to me"
"She used to look stunningly beautiful when I first caught a glimpse of her in the Pepsi commercial," Indore-based fllm critic Rahul Pandey said. "After all these years and after looking at thousands of stunningly beautiful women, she is still looking stunningly beautiful"
Movie buff Ajay Srivastav, coming out of the multiplex showing her latest bollywood blockbuster 'Jodha Akbar' couldn't stop raving about her beauty. "Ms Rai looks beautiful in whatever role is assigned to her. She looked beautiful as Gurubhai's wife in 'Guru' and she continues to look beautiful as Akbar's wife in Jodha Akbar"
"I wish I looked one tenth as beautiful as she's looking," Ajay's wife added.
Aishwarya Rai, whose beautiful eyes and ravishing looks have captivated millions of Indians, across all categories of race, religion, class and gender, has for the past 15 years attained the highest possible scores in every known measure of physical attractiveness.
A recent poll conducted by Filmfare magazine revealed that 25 percent of respondents described Ms Rai looking "stunning," 15 percent found her looking "gorgeous" and 5 percent found her looking "ravishing", yet poised and intelligent, as one would expect a former Miss World to look."
"When you think of Aishwarya Rai, the first thing you think is 'beautiful'" said Bhavna Somani, editor of Stardust magazine. "The second thing you think is 'stunningly beautiful' and the third thing is 'beautiful beyond words'
Ad film-maker Prahlad Kakkar when asked about Ms Rai's beauty, said "I find Ms Rai the epitome of beauty. In my line of work, I'm surrounded by stunningly beautiful ladies all the time, yet I've to say that every time I look at Aishwarya I get startled by her beauty and wonder how she manages to look more beautiful than the best of beauties I work with"
Almost everyone who was contacted for the survey were unanimous in their opinion that Ms Rai's was the most beautiful woman they have seen in last 15 years.
Given a chance, if they had to choose between looking at a thousand pictures and poses of Ms Rai or thousand snapshots of the rest of the most beautiful women of the planet, most of the surveyors opined that they would undoubtedly choose looking at thousand different snaps of Rai.
"Variety may be the spice of life; but when you are presented with perfection, you choose perfection" famous photographer Raghu Rajvanshya responded, "Ms Rai is a perfect beauty and I would prefer gazing at her perfect features a million times than looking at a million less-endowed, less-stunning beautiful women"
Ms Rai when contacted for her response to the survey initially declined to comment, but on persistence said with a giggle "I'm so grateful to my parents for giving me birth and passing on their beautiful genes to me"
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