International: News Briefs: Donald Trump comes to rescue of dead Iraqis

Baghdad (Iraq) - As terrorism and insurgency continues to take a huge toll on Iraq, the country faces a grave shortage of graveyards to bury the thousands of Iraqis who fall prey to insurgents every month.

The increasing body count leading to cemetery shortage has prompted legendary American real estate magnet Donald Trump to establish a subsidiary in Iraq devoted to help Iraqis bury their dead easily, conveniently and comfortably. Very early into the Iraq war, Mr Trump foresaw a unique business opportunity when he discovered that Iraqis were running out of cemeteries to bury their dead. Sensing a profitable venture, with remarkable acumen and foresight, Mr. Trump started buying every piece of land he could lay his feet on that was ruined, destroyed and discarded due to heavy aerial bombardment by the American forces.

Mr.Trump today announced the establishment of a new subsidiary of Trump Inc. named "Collateral Damage Cemeteries & Graveyards Inc" (Coldam C&G Inc) which will have 28 cemeteries all over Iraq, 12 of them in Baghdad itself. These 28 cemeteries will help bury at least 7500 freshly dead Iraqis every month.

"Trump Inc is proud to establish this new venture to aid the Iraqis in easy disposal of their dead. Our 28 new cemeteries will help ease the pressure on existing Iraqi cemeteries. We are aware that with insurgency and terrorism showing no sign of any decline, our cemeteries will not be able to take the load of the increasing death toll. In view of that, we are announcing a franchisee scheme with revenue sharing upto 50% of net profits. We require Iraqi land-owners and enterprising entrepreneurs to become enthusiastic participants in our scheme and become our partners in our mission to help Iraqis bury their dead with ease" Trump said at a press conference held at Hotel Baghdad Nights in Baghdad.

Trump added "Iraq has suffered very hard for very long. Unending violence, terrorism and insurgency has taken a huge toll on poor Iraqis and they are yearning for peace. We cannot do much to provide them peace from violence, suicide bombings and killings. But we can at least provide Iraqis with peace of the graveyard and I assure you we are doing our best to provide Iraqis the best possible peace of the graveyard."

"Unlike traditional Iraqi graveyards, our cemeteries will be modern, furnished with state-of-the-art facilities where the dead will be assured a decent burial. The exteriors of the cemeteries will be designed by leading architects of our group. The interiors will include an administration/visitor center with a state of the art information booth and a grave-site locater which will facilitate family members to easily locate a loved one buried at the cemetery"

Mr.Trump also announced that the stock of Coldam C&G Inc will be very soon listed at NYSE, after completion of all formalities. "In view of the constantly deteriorating condition of Iraq, we expect our new subsidiary to do good business and break even within one year of its operation and enjoy 20-25% annual profits thereafter. As such it should quote at a good premium."

"Apart from the franchise option, we are looking towards expansion of the cemetery business in neighboring countries. With war in Iran a distinct possibility, we are hoping that the collateral damage that Iran would suffer would help us buy real estate in Iran at very cheap rates. Since the population of Iran is substantially more than Iraq, rate of deaths per months & death toll is expected to be much higher than Iraq."

Mr.Trump said that unlike Saddam Hussein, Iran's president Ahmedinejad would prove to be a tougher nut to crack and would possibly hold out against the American forces much longer thereby increasing the possibility of a larger death toll. "Unlike the Iraq war, war with Iran will be far more dangerous, deadlier and bloodier providing Coldam Inc with tremendous opportunities to expand and grow"