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Anil Ambani Outsources Prison Sentence

Anil Ambani, chairman of Reliance Anil Dhirubhai Ambani Group, accused of using Swan Telecom as a front company by Reliance Telecommunication for applying for 2G licences by disguising its actual ownership and control, announced that he has outsourced his likely prison sentence to three top executives of ADAG, Managing Director Gautam Doshi, President Surendra Pipara and Company Secretary Hari Nair.

"As fourth richest Indian with personal wealth of $8.8 billion (Rs.40,000 Crores), I'm too important a person to be wasting my life behind bars. It's far more efficient to outsource my prison duties to my loyal employees who fortunately have agreed to take full responsibility for my actions," said the younger of the Ambani brothers before flying back to Mumbai after a successful attempt in convincing the mandarins of North Block to allow him to outsource his obligations.

Ambani cited lack of video conferencing facility at Tihar Jail as one of the primary reasons for avoiding jail term. "My duties as board member of IIT-Kanpur, IIM-Ahmedabad, DA-IICT-Gandhinagar & Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania will be severely compromised if I spent next few years of my life in jail. Outsourcing my prison term is the only way I can do justice to my position as Chairman of ADAG and board member of prestigious universities."

Sources close to the three executives say that they are pleased with the deal as long as they are provided the same facilities inside the jail that they enjoyed while working in the offices of ADAG companies.

According to the gossip doing the rounds, Anil Ambani landed in the capital and visited North Block to cut a deal with the authorities which will ensure that his three loyal executives are jailed in separate enclosures, away from the common thugs of Tihar Jail, presumably to prevent them from being anal-raped by them. "As per the contract signed with my three executives ensuring them best lodging conditions, I had talks with officials from home ministry who have promised me that Tihar jail authorities will provide best possible facilities to my employees." said Ambani regarding his meetings at North Block.