(Contributed by Profane Insanity/Dr. Aiswarya Rao)
With the World Cup fever sweeping across South Africa and infecting billions of football fans all over the globe, a team of medical, engineering and foot-balling experts have come across the following findings that can throw light on the various types of pyrexia that are breaking out in South Africa.
The English Flu: This is a rare case of Italian virus much similar to any other virus but it is rather very infectious. As usual this virus docks to the cell receptors and embeds into the English FA system in the form of a rather harmless phage called “Capello hired as coach” method. The virus then shuts down vital system function DNA by inhibiting normal English FA processes like interacting with media, showing off WAGS and mind-blowing merchandising techniques. The virus then hijacks the complete system and runs it by proxy as if there is nothing wrong in the system by a technique called “Qualifying for World Cup with Ease”. After this technique, the temperature rises in the whole system due to high enthalpy and the virus after ensuring that it is in complete control of the system injects lethal DNA decoders that destruct the FA system and result in serious or at times fatal opportunistic illnesses like goalie hiccups, drunken forwards and semi-conscious midfielders.
- French Measles: This is a severe type of World Cup pyrexia where everything goes spiralling downwards and the infected system collapses into a vegetative state. The brain a.k.a Domanech is affected first and then it starts sending pseudo signals to the system like signaling the immune system a.k.a system defense to let down all guards to ensure that the system gets familiar to all sorts of external attacks like auto immunity . The French Measles has been declared as a global pandemic in Paris by French Government and is on a look out for a certain Algerian who they now feel has a better head than the current infected one to resist and react against external forces.
- Italian Gastroenteritis: A very common form of illness that is categorized in almost all World Cup fevers and is still perplexing all our experts on how it works does not work. Our past studies have shown that the causative organism has a rather unique way of taking root. This virus either attacks the system as soon as the hyperthermia peaks or at times when the hyperthermia is at its nadir. Currently, it has gained entry into the system at the initial stages and looks all set to release the cytokines out of the system. The reason why this illness is quiet perplexing to our experts is that in their 1994 study, there was no Dysentery at all until the last stages of the tournament while in 1998 and 2002 case studies, this dysentery followed the same aetiopathogenesis by sequestering within the system and delivering vital blows. The case study got beyond the realms of our clinical experts for the 2006 case study. In this case study, it was discovered that this infection was highly contagious and even more infectious than French Measles.
