Union Minister for Environment, Jairam Ramesh's big mouth is reportedly itching to lambast the Commonwealth Games as an Imperial Relic. Our embedded sources say that the loudmouth minister, known for shooting-crooked from his hips, is fighting hard to resist the temptation of calling down the games as an 'imperial anachronism' that should have no place in a free world.
"Commonwealth, ha! Its a lie. Actually, it's the sum total of all the stolen wealth of commons of ex-British colonies illegally held by Empire Britannica, dammit!" an enraged Ramesh barked at Suresh Kalmadi, President of IOA and Chairman of Organizing Committee of forthcoming Commonwealth Games to be held in New Delhi in October 2010, when the two met each other to discuss the environmental impact of the games on the fragile ecosystem of Yamuna river. Sources, having deep access to the inner workings of the mind of the President of IOA, say that Kalmadi fought hard to resist the temptation of describing the Delhi CWG as 'quadrupled wealth of commons of India, churaoed, to build Empire Kalmadica."
"I've still not been able to figure out why we stick to such pointless colonial relics. Even if we win maximum number of gold or silver coins, which we are not going to, what will it prove? That we are the first amongst former slaves of our erstwhile masters?" Jairam sniggered to the group of parliamentarians who nodded in agreement, but warned him not to shoot his mouth off in public.
"If you want to celebrate freedom from the Empire by playing games with former slaves of the Empire, at least keep the British out from the games! Call it 'Freedom Games' and also invite ex-colonies of Spain, Portugal and France to play with you." suggested the UMoE to Union Minister of Sports, MS Gill, who agreed in principle with Ramesh, but politely ignored his proposal, pointing out to him that India wins more medals at CWG than Asian or Olympic Games. "More the countries, lesser our chances of winning medals!" said Gill to Ramesh.
Taking his idea forward, emboldened by the feeble yet grudged-response, Ramesh sought an appointment with the genial Sardar-with-one-blue-humble-turban, Ramesh mused at his bathroom mirror, " Our Prime Ministerji will definitely approve, especially now when there is a newbie Government in place in London who are on a flab-cutting spree. I have it from confirmed sources that in order to attend the Games all the members of the figurehead bunch of useless Royals have been advised that they will not be flown because of the risk of ash in the engines but to be on the safe side they will be shipped by a steamer to the steaming Metropolis where they will be given the brown carpet treatment, reserved exclusively in memory of the former stinking Viceroys ( How can people only wipe and not wash their bums?) who also left behind a much bigger devil in the form of a red cherry and three stumps and a log that was shaped by an optically-challenged deserter of the Royal Buggers Army lodged in the Circular Jail, into a funny piece because all he wanted to was to stretch the time he had and thus delay the inevitable end that a deserter deserves, a swing from the ropes."
In answer to Naughty Drool TeleVision's Burkha Mutt, " What if the Prime Minister shift-deletes your proposal?", the ever-effervescent Jairam replied, " I will seek the blessings of Madamji, who as always is the unknown Q factor."
