Contributed by SD
The US and Pakistan were about to take a major step forward in overcoming years of mistrust, but American efforts were made useless after the Pakistani ‘Government’ (which is what they’re calling it these days) committed a major blunder, putting them on the brink of insolvency.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was very keen to improve ties with Pakistan and invited the Foreign Minister Mahmoud Qureshi to Washington. The hurried manner in which the high-level bilateral talks were arranged is not surprising considering this ‘Government’ had already passed the average shelf life of a typical Pakistani Government and it was “only a matter of time before the country plunges into its comfort zone of chaos and disorder”.
Mr. Qureshi spoke at a press conference soon after he landed in Washington DC. “This is truly a momentous occasion. We had received a letter in which the US said that they wanted to improve ties with us. I didn’t even bother reading beyond the first line. I knew what needed to be done and immediately booked a delegation to the US. No longer will Pakistanis be subjected to cheap quality cotton ties. We decided to improve our ties by going for silk. We have already placed an order for 8 million five-fold Ferragamo silk ties and 10 million seven-fold Carlo Franco ties. That would definitely improve the quality of our ties. I hope the US has taken steps too.”‘ said Mr. Qureshi confidently, and with purpose.
The journalists in the room were stunned at his interpretation and clarified that the US wanted to improve diplomatic relations, not neckties. Mr. Qureshi stood silently for a minute and stared blankly at the room until his assistant pulled him aside and told him something. Luckily for us, the mic was still attached to his suit and the conversation was recorded. “What the hell is this? We’ve already placed this order and spent all our foreign exchange reserves. What the hell do we do now? Like idiots, we paid 100% as advance. This is bad. We could have easily built another 200 terror camps with that money, but now our country is on the brink of bankruptcy!” hissed the Foreign Minister to his aide. “Ok, I better get back to the stage now before they think something’s wrong.” “Eh, eh” laughed Mr. Qureshi nervously as he stumbled back onto the stage. “Pakistanis can be funny too, you know. That was just a joke. Get it? Ties? Anyway, I’ll..um see you guys back at the White House after my discussions with..umm..Ms Hillary Clinton. Yeah. So I guess that’s it.” he said in a very somber, almost inaudible tone before walking away aimlessly.
Mr. Qureshi later added that the US ‘owed’ them $2 billion in aid money, and then later clarified that it was his attempt at an oxymoron.
