Bhagat Singh, the heroic guy of pre-independence India who was hanged to death by evil, white men ruling our country during the slightly more darker times, for throwing a bomb in the central legislative assembly, was today discovered rolling in his grave. No, not really. His flesh was burned on a pyre as per Hindu customs and his soul left the building within minutes after his death. But since idiotic phrases like 'rolling in grave' refuse to die and continue to be used in India where bodies of 83.45 percent of the dead are burnt to ashes and never get to see graves, we shall imagine that he is rolling in his grave and screaming obscenities at the assholes who used the story of his life way back in early years of 21st century to make a movie called "The Legend of Bhagat Singh"
The reason for his imagined displeasure: Unlike him, the writers of the script of his movie are not fighting for something as noble as fighting for the banishment of evil white rulers from our country. No, they are not even fighting for something equally noble like banishment of extreme poverty. But fighting for something which is so typically Indian - credit. For the script of the movie based on his life for last eight years since its release in 2002. (Click here for the mud-slinging).
Our erstwhile hero rose from his imaginary grave and screamed. "Assholes, you forget who is the original scriptwriter of your goddamned movie. ITS ME!! ITS ME!! I wrote the script of my life, dammit, not you idiots! How about forgetting your petty jealousies and rivalries for my sake? Is it really so difficult for you to not care about who wrote how much percentage of your worthless script when the principal protagonist of your story smilingly gave up his life for the sake of the freedom of your country?"
Disgusted at the ways of the denizens of free India, our hero continued, "Would it have hurt to credit the names of each and every writer who contributed to the final screenplay without caring who wrote what and how much? You guys who imagine yourselves to be amongst the brightest talents of the country can't even cooperate with each other on minor matters....Now I can see why my country is going to rats. "
Echoing the thoughts of one of the commentators on the PFC boards, he yelled, "Yeh layenge kranti? Yeh? GHANTA!" and sneaked back to his imaginary grave repenting that he wasted his life fighting for freedom for such a self-seeking, stingy, egotist, narcissist generation.
In other news, government of India has initiated a CBI enquiry to find out who invited Amitabh Bachchan at the official function for inauguration of Bandra-Kurla Sealink. If the inquiry discovers that Big B gatecrashed at the function in order to demand that he be made brand ambassador of Maharashtra, he will be officially asked to jump from the Bandra-Kurla sealink into the Arabian Sea. The CBI probe has also been mandated to find out why Mr. Bachchan is hopping from one state to another begging to become its brand ambassador.
Some experts say that Big B is suffering a rare disorder called 'Branditis', a condition that arises when a person gets addicted to merchandising brands. "Now that Big B is getting old and his grumpy, wrinkled face is no longer considered attractive for selling stuff to the breed of monkeys collectively termed by marketing men as 'Youngistan', he is getting withdrawal symptoms and in a state of panic he is imploring chief ministers of states to make him brand ambassador." said expert brand marketeer Prahlad Kakkhra.
In other other news, our correspondent covering the Parliament overheard a group of women MP's giggling at the possibility of being whistled at by Mulayam Singh Yadav and his chamchas when the 33% quota for women comes into force. One old woman MP who shall not be named said ruefully "I missed being whistled at during my college years due to being born in a political family. Since my Dad and Bro both were local gundas of the area, no one even dared to give me a second look."
Her remark elicited laughter from other women MP's one of whom said disdainfully to her that she was too old and ugly to get wolf-whistles even from oldest farts of Samajwadi Party. Hearing this, the old MP said that if whistling MP's ignore her and concentre their attention only on younger MP chicks, she would usilize the opportunity to do something that she had missed doing all of her life - slap an eve teaser!
