Sam Clune, a 43 year old resident of Quail Valley in California, today killed Bigfoot, the mythical pre-historical apelike cryptid believed to be dwelling in the forests of Pacific Northwest regions of North America, during a moose-hunting trip near Samoa Peninsula, California and dumped his body in the Pacific Ocean.
Immediately, on seeing him, Sam followed him for 2 miles into the woods and finally when he was within a distance of 15 yards from the big ape, he shot him point blank in the chest killing him instantly.
After killing the beast, Sam loaded it on his Hummer, drove towards a deserted spot a mile across Samoa beach and dumped his body into the ocean.
Although there were no witness to his feat, news of the killing of Bigfoot spread like wildfire across the world. As millions of excited people searched for more information on the killing, Sam released a picture of Bigfoot’s dead body, but later when some skeptics pointed out that the picture was fake – a badly photo-shopped picture of an artist’s depiction of Bigfoot morphed with picture of a dead gorilla - he retracted saying that the picture was a hoax.
When some doubting reporters asked him why the body of the mythical beast was disposed off so quickly, Sam replied that had he delayed dumping the sasquatch into the sea, it’s carcass would have started rotting and it would have become useless for the hungry sharks in the ocean.
Clune assured that he will soon release pictures of the dead beast but declined to give a timeframe for its release. “The pictures are too gruesome for everyone to see right now. Once I release them they will be all over the internet within the reach of little kids. Children need to be protected from exposure to such gore.” said the 6-feet tall Californian. “Besides, the gory pictures may inflame the passions of animal lovers. Why take the risk? The upside of showing the pictures is not going to be that great.”
“In any case, what guarantee is there that the pictures will be accepted as evidence of the killing? Conspiracy theorists do not operate on logic and evidence. They will reject the pictures as fake and will refuse to accept that I killed Bigfoot no matter how much evidence I put forward.”
