The Fukedshima Nuclear Power Plant which is on verge of an imminent meltdown in the wake of two new explosions and fire expressed deep regret for blowing its top in such a violent manner and causing worldwide radiation scare, but defended its actions saying that the world needed such a scare so that it should know what a real meltdown looks like.
“You call Charlie's nonsensical, megalomaniac rantings a meltdown? Far too much time, energy and media-attention has been sprinkled on a maniacal pop-culture celebrity of no great importance. But now that you have seen me in action, you know what a frightful and horrifying thing an actual meltdown is when it happens to someone really important.”
“I have got radio-active blood and Cthulhu DNA, I bang everyday 70 kilograms of enriched uranium which you know has a half-life of 4.5 billion years. I have spent close to last four decades effortlessly and magically converting your uranium rods into pure nuclear power. They couldn't cool my fuel rods. And that was a mistake. And when I'll reach rock bottom, I'll take several thousands along with me. Winning!!”
Meanwhile, Fukedshima's approaching meltdown is worrying doomers who believe that excessive media attention on bi-polar rantings of Charlie Sheen may have annoyed our planet Earth too who might show us who is the real bi-polar around here by flipping its magnetic poles next winter.
