"Those who raise armies in my name should at the very least read and thoroughly memorize my epic biography written by Valmiki to have a better understanding of me and my morals before going on rampage beating and chasing women drinkers at pubs." said Sri Rama, one of the nine manifested avataars of Lord Vishnu.
"I'm afraid I can't identify with the ludicrous morality being promoted by these dimwits and refuse to associate or lend my holy name to any organization promoting such twisted beliefs and values"
Reminiscing back to the ancient times when he ruled the kingdom of Ayodhya, Rama recollected the glorious times when he and his wife Sita hedonistically enjoyed lavish parties featuring celestial nymphs, exotic wines and non-vegetarian delicacies."Except for the fourteen years I was forced to spend in forests eating a bland diet of fruits and roots, thanks to the machinations of my evil step-mom Kaykeyi, the rest of my life was one big never-ending party filled with well-cooked meats, exotic wines and beautiful bar dancers who in my times were known as Apsaras."
"Do the boneheads who have formed an army using my name know that I reveled for ten thousand long years enjoying the very things they consider as a violation of Indian culture and norms?" asked Sri Rama.
Lord Rama instructed his fans, followers and hooligans of the army raised using his name to read Chapter 52 of Uttarakanda, the last book of Ramayana, the official biography of his life and times written by Maharishi Valmiki. Quoting Valmiki, he narrated a passage from the chapter:
"All the trees in the forest were filled with flowers. And the rocks there, covered with flowers falling down from trees, appeared like welkin beautified with stars. And Rama's Asoka forest was like unto Indra's Nandana and Kuvera's Chitraratha made by Brahma. Having entered the rich Asoka forest abounding in many seats and houses and creepers Rama sat on an excellent seat, covered with a beautiful coverlet and well constructed. Like unto Purandara with Sachi he took Sita by the hand, made her sit and drink the wine distilled in the province of Mira. And in no time the servants brought for him well-cooked meat and various fruits. Being inebriated the beautiful Apsaras, well-skilled in the art of singing and dancing, began to dance before Rama in the company of Kinnaris. The virtuous-souled Rama, the foremost of those who know how to please, satisfied those beautiful damsels adorned with various ornaments. And Sita sitting by him, he appeared like the effulgent Vasishtha in the company of Arundhati. Being greatly delighted the celestial-like Rama pleased every day Sita resembling a celestial damsel. Sita and Raghava (Rama) thus spent their days happily. And thus was spent the delightful winter giving all enjoyments. Enjoying various things the high-souled Rama and Sita spent ten thousand years."
"As you can see from the above text written by my biographer Valmiki, I ate cow meat, drank wine and enjoyed dance performances of bar dancers in the presence of my own wife! As such I've absolutely no problem with women of 21st century AD drinking wine or dancing in pubs. As king of Ayodhya, I allowed a mere dhobi to impose his repugnant morals on me and exiled my lovely wife for another round of forest life. Now, as one of your prime gods, how can I possibly impose morals on my devotees that I myself never had in the first place?"
