First we had the gaffe-machine Shivraj Patil, who at the time of taking charge of Home ministry wanted to have a meaningful 'intercourse' with terrorists, explaining patiently to media why he failed to meet the terrorists who attacked Cama Hospital and CST station ( "Before I could reach there, the terrorists who had attacked one of the hospitals, the Cama Hospital, had left and those who attacked the railway station had also left") Perhaps our ex-minister wasted precious hours changing his clothes! Shouldn't the terrorists have been thoughtful enough to provide him details of exact time and places of the attacks to allow him time to change his clothes and be ready for the 'intercourse'? Dumb terrorists!!
Then Patil junior who three years back considered bar girls as big enough security threat to Mumbai to warrant expelling them from the city made casual remarks about the terror attacks being a small incident. This was followed by BJP vice-president Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi making crass comments about women wearing lipstick and powder taking to streets.
And now Kerela's chief minister VS Achuthiyanandan has outdone all the above by insulting the intelligence of our canine friends by claiming that not even dogs would have visited the house of Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan's dad, had Sandeep not died in the terror attacks.
Troubled by the fresh outbreak of the foot-in-the-mouth disease, we decided it was time to get to the root of the matter and make an attempt to understand why Indian politicians are suffering so badly from this disease and what measures can be taken to cure them of this dreadful malady. In this context, we met Dr. Dhingra, a world renowned specialist in foot-in-the-mouth disease at Jaslok Hospital which he is currently visiting on private requests from certain high-profile politicians who have been diagnosized with this disease. After pleasantries were exchanged, Dr. Dhingra explained to us the causes of the outbreak of this disease and some of the reason politicians of this country were highly susceptible to it.
Another reason for the prevalance of foot-in-the-mouth disease amongst the political class is lack of spine in politicians. "A straight, strong and an erect backbone is very vital in keeping the lower limbs of the body at a safe distance from the mouth. Since politicians generally tend to be spineless, their feet find very little resistance in reaching out to upper parts of body like mouth." said Dr. Dhingra.
"Thirdly, politicians as a class are more greedy, avaricious and covetous in nature than normal people. Due to their greedy nature they lack discernment and sagaciousness found in normal humans and as a result tend to instinctively devour whatever comes within close grasp of their large mouths. As a result, any freely flying or floating feet find their way into their big, fat mouths."
"And lastly, since politicians generally live in their ivory towers, protected by black cat commandos and isolated from the masses, they usually don't keep their feet on the ground. Since ungrounded feet tend to fly or float at higher levels more easily than grounded feet, they have more propensity to enter mouths."
Dr. Dhingra was cautiously optimistic about the prospects of our political class being cured from this dangerous disease. He observed that while it was very difficult to completely free the country from this epidemic inflicting our ruling classes, its not entirely impossible. In response to our request, he provided a three-point remedy which can be helpful in eradicating the scourge of foot-in-the-mouth disease
"Firstly, it is very necessary that our politicians should be made to bite dust every time they put their feet in their mouths and also every time they stand for elections. If they are properly fed with dust at regular intervals, the chances of their feet finding the way into their mouths would reduce considerably"
"Secondly, they should be stripped of Z-level security, government provided vehicles and other such perks and perquisites which insulate them from the cares and concerns of the masses. Once our politicians learn to keep their feet firmly on the ground, their feet would tend to fly around less."
"And finally since big mouths and spinelessness are genetic defects which are highly predominant in the political class, there is not much that can be done to cure politicians who suffer on that account. But the people of India can at least try to make our local, state and national governments foot-in-the-mouth disease free by ensuring that they elect to legislatures only politicians who display backbone when faced with crucial issues and who talk less but work more"
